thoughts from inside the mosh | april 24, a chance the rapper concert

yeah i’ve been to a few concerts. i’ve seen maroon 5 twice, but our seats were way in the back…

mosh pit? no, i’ve never been in the mosh pit before.

why?

small girls with big phones.
big dudes with small phones.

people furiously text friends blurry pictures of the stage.
snapchat, facebook, instagram messaging every single person
they know
to show off that the are standing and sweating in a forest of people
they don’t know.

peer pressure to smoke the blunt, it passes around me and my small squad.

the hesitant girl who took a drag immediately looks concerned.
what has she just done???
she brings her hands up to her throat.
it hurt and she feels bad now.

it moves further on,
and the air fills with ever expanding clouds of smoke
giving us our very own second-hand high.

during the openers it gets super aggressive.
people are trying to get up to the front by way of jumping.

‘we gotta wait for the mosh then we gotta push thru!’ 
-some guy behind me
 
locked knees, i’m not at ease.
the jumping subsides as the spaces are filled
and the crowd backs up, realizing that they are smashing feet
and getting feet smashed.

the openers finish
random popular music plays on an empty stage
and my discomfort at standing among hundreds of sweaty, overalled, twenty-somethings steadily rises.

i am increasingly more aware of my body
and what it’s touching.

behind me, the in’s and out’s of a guy breathing rocks me like a boat, only i don’t get seasick, just claustrophobic.

i don’t know what to do with my hands.
down,
and i end up touching people’s butts
up,
and i end up hitting people in the head,
because my arms are weak and can’t stay up without support for that long.

i am small

this mosh pit thing is not for me
and just when i think i will reach my breaking point,
an hour with my closest companions,

chance graces the stage.

oooOOOOOoooorrRROOOOOOooooOOoo!

his voice rings, playing with us as he hides in the dark of the stage.

i jump,
i knock into people,
i yell in their ears,
and hit them in the head with my weak arms.

i enjoyed the hell out of that concert.

 

######physicaltouchisnotmyfirstlovelanguage

underneath the colosseum pier | the living water

8 april 2017
jesus, i hope i can play with you tomorrow

9 april 2017
easy acoustic guitar, soft singsongy voices, and citrus lime cake.

we sit quietly in the car afterwards, speechless really. golden hour approaches, the 6pm sun is setting. we are headed to the beach.
when we park the car, the street is sunday busy, so not really busy at all.

we are barefoot before we hit the sand, flip flops in hand.
stephen starts us off as we run to the water, sand slowing our speed, but not our energy.

we jump and splash and kick in the puddles. it’s cold but it feels good

activating

a spring of life, the first taste of summer.

it wakes up the children in us.

we run to the pier,
against the wind, our jackets and towels picking up air like kites and capes.

underneath the pier, it feels endless.
as big as a colosseum, with the sun slowly lowering over white foamy waves, falling over, folding over, each column they run into.
standing ankle deep in clear water, feet playing with the loose sand, and little sand crabs, and tiny baby sand clams,
gently brushing our soles.

we stand there for a while, watching the liquid land in front of us wave in and out
the unblocked sun steadily burning our skin, eyes, the tips of our noses – unable to look away – thinking about how we got to this day.

we walk back, the edges of our shorts soggy from the last wave
smiling, overwhelmed at what we were doing.

stephen picks a washed up stick and runs in a spiral
circling it along the sand as justin, jordan and i chase him
completely careless and stupid happy
children playing tag before supper
this is a life that’s full of color

the wind picks up as we take our time back to the car
the sand behind us, a thin grey haze itching our ankles.

justin grabs a handful and lets the breeze push it from his hand
it follows the wind

we are kid_s
this is wonder_ful

x